Samstag, 20. Juni 2020

Naye Raste

kabhi kabhi zindagi ki bohut sari baaton se insan thak jata hai aur dil karta hai k bas yeh cheezen aaj k baad na hon. ek ajeeb kisam ka circle hota hai jisko har haal mein torne ki khwahish dil mein paisa hoti hai. majusi ghussa aur thakkahn ki surat mein insaan kaye aur naye kisam k tajarbu hasil karne ki koshish karta hai. yakenanan mein bar bar aisi baaton ka intekhab karti hun jin baaton ka hal kayi log dhundh bhi lete hain lekin meri trah aaj bhi un baaton ka swal dhundhte hain. kya zindagi ise kehte hain?? mein to aaj bhi kehti hun k meine umeed chor di lekin kabhi kabhi to itna dimagh khrab hota hai k man karta hai k cheekhti rahun chilati rahun k akhir meri koi awaz q nahi sunta... phir khamosh ho jati hun. abhi kuch din pehle ki baat hai kahin gayi thi mein wahan jan se pehle hi man mein ek jaeeb qisam ki krvahat thi lekin meine bhi behas na ka aur khamoshi se gari mein baith gayi. wahan ja k pata chala k nahi jana chahiye tha. jana kahan tha... rishtedar... goli vajje... kafi arse se meine ek fesal kar rakha hai aur elan bhi kar chuki hun lekin ajeeb baat hai is fesle mein koi taqat nahi. sharike hayat ka kehna hai k sab ko nahi chora jata maa kehti hai samjhati dhukh bant leti hai khamosh ho jati hai... aur mein bhi

bas yahi soch kar khamosh ho jati hun k dunya mein meri trah kuch bebas log rehte hain. dil mein dukh liye phirte hain lekin chehre par phir bhi umeed k chalo sab thik hoga. lekin mere mamle mein kuch aur hai... khair...

aaj kal ek naya bhoot swar hai mere dimagh mein. naya ghar lena hai kisi dusri jagha par jana hai. naye ghar sajen k khwab sajati hun roz in ankhon mein magar phir sochti hun k iski chaabi bhi pata nahi kab milegi. ya shayed zindagi ek hi jagha ruk jayega. apne sharike hayat ki taraf dekti hun to sakoon milta hai. aaj kal woh khush hai. hum log kafi arse se ek nayi zindagi ki taraf rojun kar rahe hain. meine kuch fesle kar rakhe hain aur sochti hun k ab in par qaym reh lun. lekin takat ab bhi nahi hai mujh mein. dekhte hain zindagi akhir kis mor par la kar khara kar deti hai...

magar ek baat is khopri mein baith gayi hai k jitna zulm mehsoos karti thi mein khud se utna zulm kabhi tha hi nahi. bas ek ajeen kisam ka fatoor tha dimagh mein janam leta hua. shayed in sab cheezon ko adat ho gayi hai aur meine sochna bhi kam kar diya hai k baaz heezen aur insaan kabhi badalne k liye nahi bani...

Donnerstag, 9. April 2020

Zindagi ki thalkhyan ...

Zindagi kay kuch ajeeb kisam ke pehlu ka jab samn akarn parta hai to kayi din kayi raatein yeh samajne mein lag jati hai ke woh khud k liye ek sabak tha ya woh haq tha.
mujhe kisi baat se koi shikwa nahi na hi kisi insaan se hai kyoun k ajtak jab bhi meine apne andaz se us se apni mohobbat ka izhar kiya hai is k bawajood kahin na jahin mein hi ghalt nazar ati hun. fesle to mein bohut karti hun lekin ek fesle par qaym nahi rehti. mere dil mein swaye khof k kuch bhi nahi nahi. aur yahi khof shayed mere shakhsiyat ko har baar chur chur kar deta hai. lekin emra is par ab ikhtyar hi nahi bal k kabhi tha hi nahi.
zindagi bohut mushkil hai... woh log jhoth bolte hain jo kehte hain k zindagi bohut haseen hai lekin yeh sab ek sufaid jhoot hai. kabhi kabhi Allah har muraad puri kar deta hai bal k kuch zyada de bhi deta hai bas woh kuch pal zindagi kay aise hote hain jo haseen lagte hain.
magar shukar karti hun k meri in khamyon ke bawajood ab mujhe logon ne jan liya hai pehchan liya hai. mohobbat karne wale bhi dar guzar kar jaya karte hain.
meine khud par bohut mehnat ki hai khud ko badalne k liye lekin phir bhi yahi sunti hun k tum aisi hi ho kuch nahi balda tum mein... haan shayed
bas pehli wali mein aru aaj wali mein ek hi fark hua hai k mein thori zimmedar ho chuki hun. shayed... pata nahi ehsas tha ya zindagi ki lagi woh thokar jis par meine cheekh cheekh kar ansoon bahye aur khamosh ho gayi. ab sochti hun k jitne bhi saal bache hain is zindagi kay inhe kese guzara jaye. kya khali mobile fon ghar kay kaam kar k guzar jayegi ya kuch aisa karun k ....

humesha ki trah mein yahi kahungi aaj bhi

mere swalon kay jawab to bohut hain lekin
koi jwab tasalli bakhs nahi

shadi ko is mahine 11 saal ho jayenge. sochti hun k in 11 saloon mein kya kiya?? kuch bhi to nahi. na zindagi ko sanjeegdi se liya na rishton na khud ko. ab jab bhurhapa ahista ahista zindagi mein qadam rakh raha hai aur thakhan bhi bohut ho rahi hai. kis se zindagi se ya khud se?? ya is dunya se??
humesha ki trah apnon ko dhundha hai meine ab to unko bhi chor chuki. Khuda ka saman jab thamne lagti hun to tasalli hoti hai k woh hai bas wohi aur insanon ki taraf dekhti hun to sochti hun kuch bhi nahi....

Mittwoch, 12. Februar 2020

Expectations

Expectations

Asslamoalekum dear sisters
today im going to talk to you to a v sensitive topic.
is cheez ko lekar mein takreeba 10 chal rahi thi and finally after 10 years i can tell u that ihv almost got rid of it. it was a very difficult part for me but for a few says a go ihv realized that it maked me sick like ... i dont have words for this

let return to the main point. as u told u guys many times that i was upset by my in law family and husband at the same time lekin last week kuch aisa hua k meine jaan liya that its really stupid to expect anything from ppl around you. Doesnt matter if this is ur family or friends. genereally insaanon se expectation rakhna bewaqoofi hai.
like ages im trying to find my own way and finally Allah has shown me my path my right place to be. he is the only one who was and is always there for me i didnt regonize it for long. sounds bit childish right but yeah sometime zindagi mein kuch ese mor ate hain where u finally realized that this word doent actually belongs to you. it belongs to Allah and we also belong to him. so dont waste ur life after human beings who are actually not ur cup of tea and its better to realize this as soon as possible. just think that its ur breath its ur life u will affect urself if u willl harm urself for ppl who really dont care about you. akhir mein kya hoga u will cry and literally die and nobody will b there to clean ur tears or tell u that life is beautiful. kabhi kabar aisa hota hai k apko kuch cheezen samajhne mein sari life lag jati hai and sometimes u just need a small moment to realize that come on dont be stupud. which happende to me in last few days and which was quit hurting to me.
well very soon im going to apply for my job and i want all kind of prayers from ur side my dears!

my msg to all of you is us se mango woh dene wala hai khushi bhi aur ghum ka sahara bhi. so dont waste ur beautiful life after negativity. just watch and understand ur life is beautiful agar aap khuda ki raza k liye jeete hain.
this life is actually too much short forr living with a broken hearth in this wolrd. ur smile and happiness and success matters nobidy is going to look at ur sad face.


Take CAre

Sonntag, 5. Januar 2020

Naya Saal Magar kya NAyii soch??! - the sad and empty beginning of 2020

har saal ki trah saal  kay akhir dinon mein sab log apne purane saal kbare mein sochte hain baatein karte hain. aur yeh taeh karte hain k agel saal mein kya karna hai kya achieve karna hai khud ko kese badalna hai waghera waghera. kuch logon ko achi yaadein ek acha sahar de jati hain aur kuch logon ko bura. har sal ki trah hum yahi ehad karte hain ab ki yeh acha karenge abki baar woh acha karenge lekin aisi koi cheez hoti hi nahi. aap log soch rahe honge k kyoun nahi hoi. sirf ek tum hi nahi ho jiski nahi hoti humari to hoti hai. itna negative kyoun sochti ho?!
lekin kabhi koi yeh nahi sochta ya kehta k shayed yeh meri wjha se pareshan hai ya meri wjha se is k din bure hue hain. log khud ko bohut bachte hain aur kehte hain jo hua tumhari wjha se hua hum ne kya kiya. kabhi kabhi insaan ek pal khusyon k liye taras jata hai to kahi kabhi insaan ko ghum mein rehne ki itnie dat ho jati hai k us k paas se agagr khush chali bhi jaye to phir bhi use koi parvah nahi hoti woh use pakarne ki zara bhi himmat nahi karta. aur ese hi uska saal bhi guzar jata hai.

mere liye yeh baat samjhana bohut mushkil cheez hai. mein humesha se hi istrah ki fazool baatein likhti ayi hun. aur humesha se logon ne mujhe fazool hi kaha hai. ajeeb log hai is dunya k bhi. kisi ko khushi k pas nahi de sakte lekin kam se kam kisi ka dukh to na bnao.

lo baat kya ho rahi thi aur kahan nikal gayi. wapis ate hain. naya saal nayi soch ya purani soch. naye dost ya wohi purane dost nayi khushya ya wohi purane gham. dar lagta hai ab to ... such keh rahi hun dar lagne laga hai. k kahin gham bura na mana jaye k tum aaj khud kyoun ho. kyoun tumne khus rehne k bare mein socha kyoun tumne. tumhari yeh majaal?? tum kyon naye saal mein khush rehne lagi?! tum muskurati kyoun ho?! tumhari yeh mjal. rahogi tum esi haur mein tumhe barbad karta chaa jaungi. tum akeli par jaogi humesha k liye. is saal bhi aur aney wale salon mein bhi...


jab rat kay bara baje they ne to mein khurki kay samne khari thi. meri ammi bhi agayi aur aur husmsafr ghar par nahi tha. mein asmaan ko dekh rahi thi kya rangeen mahaul bana hua tha. sab khus they ek se barh kar ek patakha phut rahe they. lekin mere dil mein ek bhi khushi ka laddu nahi phuta. unki call ayi aur unki awaz mein bhi ek udasi thi. mein bhi khush nahi thi. meine socha kya yeh ane wala saal mere liye phir dukhon se bhara hoga?! kya mein zindagi mein kabhi khush nahi reh paungi?!
kayi saalon bas ek hi gham hai mere dil mein k koi apna hota koi hath thamne wala hota. jinhe apna kaha woh to bas. kya mein sari umar isi soch mein guzar dungi?! kya mein kabhi thik nahi hongi??! khair aaj 2020 ka 5van din hai ek pal bhi mujhe khushi ka nahi mila. na mein muskurayi na meine kisi khushi ka izhar kiya. bimar hun... dmaghi mareez ban gayi hun. han woh yahi kehte hain. lekin kabhi kisi ne yeh nahi pucha kay k kyoun aisa karti ho kyoun aisa sochti ho?! aur jab koi puch le to mein jwab deti hun jab tum to bachpan se dimaghi mareez ho tumhe to bachpan se depression hai. tum to humesha se esi ho wesi ho.
to kya mein humesha esi rahungi?! ...

tum btao

ese hoti hai mere naye saal ki shuruwat...